LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO

[nightchild]

shaking bc i have eto find shitposts

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[allomantic]

Right.

[there's a pause, because she's not the best at talking about things like this, but...]

Itsuki - Clarte told me that you and Buzen were close. Are you... I mean, will you be alright?

[nightchild]

[ah... he doesn't say anything for a moment, deep in thought. he has the answer ready. he's already said it to a few others. he is touched that Vin asks though, rather than feeling frustrated at having to answer]

...I don't know.

[but he smiles anyway,]

But I think I can hold on long enough for tomorrow.

[allomantic]

[she pauses for another moment.]

Do you feel you have to? I imagine there's a number of people who would be willing to listen if you needed to speak about it.

[nightchild]

[vin like 'itsuki WILL find therapy'

he smiles again, this time more sincerely]

...Yeah. Everyone's pretty great. I mean that too -- everyone's been kind to me, despite... everything.

I don't want to tell them the truth though. Not for today, at least. I think Te-kun and you are one of the few people who know about my feelings for him.

[allomantic]

Despite everything...?

[that's her first question, but there's another one after he continues.]

You do not want to tell them the truth because it is too painful, or...?

[nightchild]

[he's quiet for a moment, then]

That too. ...I don't want them to think they have to take care of me.

[it feels enormously stupid just saying it out loud, he'd just said they were kind and would out of no obligation to him, but]

Grief's hard enough to bear on your own.

[allomantic]

[it isn't said with any particular kind of pressure or insistence when she continues, but:]

Many people here are kind enough that I imagine they would be happy to help you carry such a thing.

[nightchild]

[he smiles a little at that, then]

...That kindness can feel kind of overwhelming. Not in a bad way, but... It's weird when you're not used to it.

[allomantic]

You... don't seem like the kind of person who's not used to it.

[he's very outgoing!!]

[nightchild]

[vin... cute...]

...I try hard to be friendly. But sometimes that friendliness can be off-putting... And sometimes I try to make it that way.

[allomantic]

You try to make it that way...?

[nightchild]

To push people away.

Though that's definitely harder to do here.

[allomantic]

...Why?

[not that she's unfamiliar with the concept of doing that in general - but itsuki is a different enough person from her that she imagines he must have a different reason.]

[nightchild]

[normally he'd try to brush this question off, but... it feels different when Vin is the one asking him. Maybe it's because she doesn't usually show interest like this,]

I'm scared of getting to know people. No... I'm scared of letting them down. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I also don't want to be sad because of them. I like them, but... The way someone can mean a lot to you... It's really scary.

[allomantic]

[after a moment:]

Why do you think you will?

[nightchild]

...I've made a lot of mistakes. My track record isn't very good when it comes to things like this.

[allomantic]

Things like this...?

[nightchild]

[he nods]

Like being close to people -- or letting them in.

[allomantic]

Like... You've let the wrong kind of people in?

[nightchild]

[thoughtfully]

...Wrong as in 'people who I like, but know I'll hurt later'? It's a little hard to explain.

Or maybe I'm just saying that.

[allomantic]

Why would you hurt them?

[nightchild]

Hm, maybe by disappointing them? Letting down whatever their expectations are of me...

[allomantic]

Why would you do that?

[vin]

[nightchild]

[VIN]

Expectations are a scary thing. It's hard to amount to the image someone has of you in their head.

[allomantic]

You didn't know anyone here until you got here, right?