nightchild | LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO

Despite everything...?

[that's her first question, but there's another one after he continues.]

You do not want to tell them the truth because it is too painful, or...?

[he's quiet for a moment, then]

That too. ...I don't want them to think they have to take care of me.

[it feels enormously stupid just saying it out loud, he'd just said they were kind and would out of no obligation to him, but]

Grief's hard enough to bear on your own.

[it isn't said with any particular kind of pressure or insistence when she continues, but:]

Many people here are kind enough that I imagine they would be happy to help you carry such a thing.

[he smiles a little at that, then]

...That kindness can feel kind of overwhelming. Not in a bad way, but... It's weird when you're not used to it.

You... don't seem like the kind of person who's not used to it.

[he's very outgoing!!]

[vin... cute...]

...I try hard to be friendly. But sometimes that friendliness can be off-putting... And sometimes I try to make it that way.

You try to make it that way...?

To push people away.

Though that's definitely harder to do here.

...Why?

[not that she's unfamiliar with the concept of doing that in general - but itsuki is a different enough person from her that she imagines he must have a different reason.]

[normally he'd try to brush this question off, but... it feels different when Vin is the one asking him. Maybe it's because she doesn't usually show interest like this,]

I'm scared of getting to know people. No... I'm scared of letting them down. I don't want to make anyone sad, but I also don't want to be sad because of them. I like them, but... The way someone can mean a lot to you... It's really scary.

[after a moment:]

Why do you think you will?

...I've made a lot of mistakes. My track record isn't very good when it comes to things like this.

Things like this...?

[he nods]

Like being close to people -- or letting them in.

Like... You've let the wrong kind of people in?

[thoughtfully]

...Wrong as in 'people who I like, but know I'll hurt later'? It's a little hard to explain.

Or maybe I'm just saying that.

Why would you hurt them?

Hm, maybe by disappointing them? Letting down whatever their expectations are of me...

Why would you do that?

[vin]

[VIN]

Expectations are a scary thing. It's hard to amount to the image someone has of you in their head.

You didn't know anyone here until you got here, right?

Sure, but...

[still!! vin!!! he has hang-ups!!]

So nobody probably has that many expectations for you yet.

[is

is this helpful]

[he looks like he wants to argue... but also like he can't?]

...So I just act however I like then? Without worrying how other people see me?

[she nods]

If you're allowed to, you should. As long as it's not harmful, but...

[itsuki is very soft, so.]

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nightchild - 2022-03-18 02:38 (UTC) - Expand