[he turns at the sound of her voice, shoulders tense -- but they relax when they see her. the corners of his mouth quirks into a smile he doesn't feel,]
...No.
[he is... but a glutton for punishment, perhaps.]
...But I can't go back to the apartment. [he can't pass by Marie's room and see her name on the door,
[She looks like she's going to answer, but something stops her for a moment, and she looks down. She's just going to aimelessly wander for the moment, but clearly away from the ferris wheel.]
...I got a text from Buzen. Apparently he sent it the night he died.
[She just pulls out her phone. She can't even bear to read it out loud. She just shows him.]
AWAKE GOING TO SCOUT
WHATEVER HAPPENS BREAK THIS PLACE BEFORE IT BREAKS ANYONE ELSE YOU’RE STRONGER THAN ANYTHING IT CAN DO TO YOU OPEN UP TO OTHERS EVEN IF I’M GONE I AM GRATEFUL I MET YOU THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW YOU LET’S NEVER SAY GOODBYE
[Itsuki reads the message, his hand coming up to clasp hers on the wrist. his grip tightens a little as he takes in the words he's reading on the screen.
words are so powerful, he knows. but these hurt..
the only thing he can do is let go of Hot Pants hand. well, that's one of the things he can do. the other is sliding his arm around her shoulders and squeezing her to him]
...That idiot.
['let's never say goodbye'? and yet. he's speechless at the note, and he can only imagine how Hot Pants feels at having had read it,]
...He could have used the gumball to restrain her. He didn't have to lead her away.
[how very unfair of itsuki to say, but he won't lie that it's been on his mind.]
He didn't have to be kind to her -- in the end. ...And he didn't have to be kind to us.
[that feels like the biggest kicker. he doesn't know how pants thinks of it, but he wonders if she's the same as him. thinking whether or not they actually deserve Buzen's kindness,]
[Every time she tried to rebuff him, or tell him they weren't friends, or she didn't need him, and every time, he insisted, he set himself forward, he helped, he was there, when she needed him the most. For what? What did she give in return?]
[She's biting back on the emotion welling inside, but its hard, it really is.]
He loved with every inch of his being. That's just who he was. How could...he be like that? No matter what...? No matter what he'd been through?
me tears in my eyes: yes get dana, and also me bc im reading this
[Itsuki wants to know the answer to Hot Pants' question too. What made him so bright? What made him live so strongly? Was it because he was a sword from a myth that may have never existed? Did he live with all his heart in spite of that?]
The stronger you feel, the more alive you are, right?
[maybe that's the answer, maybe it's not. Itsuki's aware of how little he knows about Buzen, at the end of the day. Even with his feelings for him, he can't claim to know his mind. And that fct hurts.]
If he can leave even the smallest impact behind wherever he goes... Then that's proof of his existence.
[The smallest impact...yes. It almost feels like that, but at the same time, so little turned into so much. He was only here briefly, and yet he made a world of a difference.]
[She's shuddering, drawing closer.]
He deserved...more time. He deserved all the time in the world. I don't care what he said. It's not fair, Itsuki. It's not fair at all.
[Itsuki holds her close, this is as much to comfort him as it is to her. It helps, even if it doesn't stop his eyes from filling,
it's just so sad. that buzen isn't here, and that Hot Pants, someone whose strength he's seen so many times, is crumbling for the sake of another. If Buzen was, then he'd know what to say.
But maybe that's also the problem -- that Buzen always knows what to say, and now they're left bereft without him.]
Yeah. [he puts all his agreement in that single word,] I wish he was still here -- with us, and not just as a thought in our heads. It's hard to yell at someone in your head, yeah?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
WEEK 2 SATURDAY
...Are you sure you want to be here?
no subject
...No.
[he is... but a glutton for punishment, perhaps.]
...But I can't go back to the apartment. [he can't pass by Marie's room and see her name on the door,
not just yet]
no subject
[She's the type not to stay in one place after all of that, too.]
Do you just want to walk around?
no subject
...How are you holding up?
no subject
[She looks like she's going to answer, but something stops her for a moment, and she looks down. She's just going to aimelessly wander for the moment, but clearly away from the ferris wheel.]
...I got a text from Buzen. Apparently he sent it the night he died.
no subject
He's... [...he's so... he's --
it's so like him, Itsuki touches the pocket where his phone is, takes a breath]
...What did he say?
no subject
[She just pulls out her phone. She can't even bear to read it out loud. She just shows him.]
AWAKE
GOING TO SCOUT
WHATEVER HAPPENS
BREAK THIS PLACE BEFORE IT BREAKS ANYONE ELSE
YOU’RE STRONGER THAN ANYTHING IT CAN DO TO YOU
OPEN UP TO OTHERS EVEN IF I’M GONE
I AM GRATEFUL I MET YOU
THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW YOU
LET’S NEVER SAY GOODBYE
hello dana prepare to d*e
words are so powerful, he knows. but these hurt..
the only thing he can do is let go of Hot Pants hand. well, that's one of the things he can do. the other is sliding his arm around her shoulders and squeezing her to him]
...That idiot.
['let's never say goodbye'? and yet. he's speechless at the note, and he can only imagine how Hot Pants feels at having had read it,]
yeah that's the MOOD
....He's the stupidest person I've ever met in my life.
[Her voice is wavering, and its obvious she doesn't mean it, not really, she's just saying it, because what can she say?]
[She doesn't pull away. After a moment, she just leans her head against him.]
together we will destroy her
[how very unfair of itsuki to say, but he won't lie that it's been on his mind.]
He didn't have to be kind to her -- in the end. ...And he didn't have to be kind to us.
[that feels like the biggest kicker. he doesn't know how pants thinks of it, but he wonders if she's the same as him. thinking whether or not they actually deserve Buzen's kindness,]
me prepping my glock
[And yet. And yet.............]
But he did.
[Every time she tried to rebuff him, or tell him they weren't friends, or she didn't need him, and every time, he insisted, he set himself forward, he helped, he was there, when she needed him the most. For what? What did she give in return?]
[She's biting back on the emotion welling inside, but its hard, it really is.]
He loved with every inch of his being. That's just who he was. How could...he be like that? No matter what...? No matter what he'd been through?
me tears in my eyes: yes get dana, and also me bc im reading this
The stronger you feel, the more alive you are, right?
[maybe that's the answer, maybe it's not. Itsuki's aware of how little he knows about Buzen, at the end of the day. Even with his feelings for him, he can't claim to know his mind. And that fct hurts.]
If he can leave even the smallest impact behind wherever he goes... Then that's proof of his existence.
points the glock at you, crying
[The smallest impact...yes. It almost feels like that, but at the same time, so little turned into so much. He was only here briefly, and yet he made a world of a difference.]
[She's shuddering, drawing closer.]
He deserved...more time. He deserved all the time in the world. I don't care what he said. It's not fair, Itsuki. It's not fair at all.
SLDMFSLF WE'RE JUST HURTING EACH OTHER NOW
it's just so sad. that buzen isn't here, and that Hot Pants, someone whose strength he's seen so many times, is crumbling for the sake of another. If Buzen was, then he'd know what to say.
But maybe that's also the problem -- that Buzen always knows what to say, and now they're left bereft without him.]
Yeah. [he puts all his agreement in that single word,] I wish he was still here -- with us, and not just as a thought in our heads. It's hard to yell at someone in your head, yeah?