after a moment, he turns a little so he can face her,]
...Sorry. I don't have anything on me.
[it's weak, and it's something so wildly unimportant to the both of them in this moment, he knows. but he has to say something. if he says something else, then he'll start crying again --]
[he turns, and she loosens her arms just enough so that he can, but not so much that she actually lets go. her arms stay loosely around him, and she looks up at him, her eyes a little red from crying. she ignores the tears on her cheeks.]
I apologize. I should have asked first before I...
[her gaze flicks down to where she still hasn't let go of him.]
he hugs her. lightly, his head coming down to touch her shoulder. one hand gently resting on her back,]
...Don't. [...] You don't have to -- not to me.
[he knows she means touching him, but he thinks compared to all the things that's happened to him today... it's not an invasion, or a betrayal. it's Jiuqing being kind to him, which hurts in a different way.]
[itsuki really has had a lot happen to him in the last 48 hours.
someone please help him.
jiuqing doesn't know how much she can do for him - the kind of hurt he's going through isn't something that can be bandaged, the way she bandaged his knuckles. there's no medical treatment that will make the loss of buzen hurt any less, or make the realization of what marie - the other marie? - had done any less raw.
all she can do is be here. so, she'll do exactly that, and hope that in some small way, it can help. here is a little closer to him than she would otherwise be - her arms loosely around him, staying close as one of his hands rests on his back, and his head rests on her shoulder - but that's fine.
if it helps, it helps.
she brings one of her hands up to rest at the back of his head.]
[He'll stand for a long time, silent, but accepting, for once. Accepting of her kindness, freely given. He knows it's better than being by himself, even if the more cowardly part of him wants to run.
He wants to say thanks yet again. instead he holds her close, hoping that his touch can convey his gratitude.]
...I knew the truth would hurt. But I didn't know it would hurt this bad. ...Should I say that when Marie-chan's the one...
[who has to deal with what she's done? knowing the truth is one thing, but being it? Itsuki can't imagine, and he finds that he doesn't want to]
If it hurts, it hurts. There's no should or shouldn't.
[he's allowed to say whatever he needs to say, and he's allowed to feel what he's feeling. the fact that marie has to live with the truth that her own hands were used to kill buzen doesn't make the loss itsuki is facing - the existing loss of someone he cares for, the imminent loss of someone else he cares for - any less real.
those feelings can both coexist.]
...you can just let yourself feel. It's alright. Even if it's hard for you, I won't tell anyone... your secrets are safe with me, Itsuki.
He closes his eyes, takes in a deep breath. ...She's right. Having permission to feel -- it feels like it makes a world of difference. It doesn't take the hurt away, but it gives him breathing room. The room stops shrinking around him.
He opens his eyes, offers a small smile, despite the pain in his expression.]
[she smiles up at him and wishes she could do something to ease that pain, but -
there may not be a way to do that. some pain demands to be felt, and the only way out of it is through it. the best she can do is support him through his pain, and she resolves to do that much, at least, for as long as he'll allow her to.]
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nightchild) wrote2022-02-14 10:21 pm
no subject
after a moment, he turns a little so he can face her,]
...Sorry. I don't have anything on me.
[it's weak, and it's something so wildly unimportant to the both of them in this moment, he knows. but he has to say something. if he says something else, then he'll start crying again --]
no subject
[he turns, and she loosens her arms just enough so that he can, but not so much that she actually lets go. her arms stay loosely around him, and she looks up at him, her eyes a little red from crying. she ignores the tears on her cheeks.]
I apologize. I should have asked first before I...
[her gaze flicks down to where she still hasn't let go of him.]
no subject
he hugs her. lightly, his head coming down to touch her shoulder. one hand gently resting on her back,]
...Don't. [...] You don't have to -- not to me.
[he knows she means touching him, but he thinks compared to all the things that's happened to him today... it's not an invasion, or a betrayal. it's Jiuqing being kind to him, which hurts in a different way.]
no subject
someone please help him.
jiuqing doesn't know how much she can do for him - the kind of hurt he's going through isn't something that can be bandaged, the way she bandaged his knuckles. there's no medical treatment that will make the loss of buzen hurt any less, or make the realization of what marie - the other marie? - had done any less raw.
all she can do is be here. so, she'll do exactly that, and hope that in some small way, it can help. here is a little closer to him than she would otherwise be - her arms loosely around him, staying close as one of his hands rests on his back, and his head rests on her shoulder - but that's fine.
if it helps, it helps.
she brings one of her hands up to rest at the back of his head.]
...all right. I won't, then.
[she won't apologize.
she'll just be here.]
no subject
He wants to say thanks yet again. instead he holds her close, hoping that his touch can convey his gratitude.]
...I knew the truth would hurt. But I didn't know it would hurt this bad. ...Should I say that when Marie-chan's the one...
[who has to deal with what she's done? knowing the truth is one thing, but being it? Itsuki can't imagine, and he finds that he doesn't want to]
no subject
[he's allowed to say whatever he needs to say, and he's allowed to feel what he's feeling. the fact that marie has to live with the truth that her own hands were used to kill buzen doesn't make the loss itsuki is facing - the existing loss of someone he cares for, the imminent loss of someone else he cares for - any less real.
those feelings can both coexist.]
...you can just let yourself feel. It's alright. Even if it's hard for you, I won't tell anyone... your secrets are safe with me, Itsuki.
no subject
He closes his eyes, takes in a deep breath. ...She's right. Having permission to feel -- it feels like it makes a world of difference. It doesn't take the hurt away, but it gives him breathing room. The room stops shrinking around him.
He opens his eyes, offers a small smile, despite the pain in his expression.]
...That makes one more between us.
no subject
there may not be a way to do that. some pain demands to be felt, and the only way out of it is through it. the best she can do is support him through his pain, and she resolves to do that much, at least, for as long as he'll allow her to.]
We can have as many between us as you'd like.