He sighs quietly, though, putting the knife down once he's done cutting.]
I might've been able to help, if you hadn't... but it's hard to say. When it was Buzen, I didn't wake up until after they were out of the dojo.
[So... he's inclined to think that it wouldn't have actually helped, if Itsuki had stayed. Especially not if Danny was able to possess him and make him leave anyway.]
...How does it work exactly? Have you been staying up every week?
[He tries to shuffle through his memories -- see if he can remember Yasusada looking more tired than usual, but no... Yasusada's always been so strong.
Strong, and sad. But that sadness had always felt like a part of him.]
Just the first week--I'm not sure why. [I, pixi, assume it's because that week he stayed in the apartments, but I don't actually know and neither does yams.] After that, I'd fall asleep with the rest of you, and then wake up again a little bit after. I only had a little bit of time to go scouting--I was usually only able to investigate one place before I ran out of energy, and I went back to wherever I'd been staying.
Sometimes on the way back, I'd notice if somewhere else seemed disrupted--like that week where I tried to leave a note, for the rest of you. I'd made a mistake, thinking I noticed something off around the workshop.
[IT WAS SO FUNNY HE FELT SO BAD and it's all because I can't read.]
Mm.
[He did, and he didn't--it's hard to say, because he doesn't think anything would've felt like enough, honestly. But he recognizes that, and he's grateful that he had the chance to help at all. He knows how frustrated Kashuu felt, despite being a confidant for both him and Clarte.
He nods, though.]
She did, at first. I wanted to insist on telling Kiyomitsu and Buzen, and she said I could tell Kiyomitsu if I found things, but only him. She was worried it might endanger people, if I told too many other people.
[If Buzen had lived longer, he might've tried to push for it again, but. He did not.]
[...He can't imagine how Yasusada must feel. To have been given a role like that, and for his comrade to die the week after. And to keep seeing more and more people die. To save someone and realize who you've killed, and then to get that note... Itsuki realizing just how much he McFcked up,]
Makes sense. If you told someone and they refracted, then they could use that to their advantage.
[or they could have KILLED YAMS but he figures that might not be an option if everyone gets picked randomly on thursday night]
Steel-san guided me, but she didn't know much more than I did. She said it was a directive of the Prism itself.
[Which is partly why he was never fully on-board with the "oh the prism is definitely totally evil" theory. It just didn't make sense to him, when he knew that he'd been chosen to help solve the murders.]
Right. They said that Revenge killing Dreamer is probably what caused our refractions in the first place.
[So... it's probably closer to what they'd thought in the beginning. That the prism itself is a neutral force, more or less--Yasusada still doesn't particularly like it, given that it trapped them here in the first place, but he's inclined to think that most of the painful or malicious experiences they've had were the fault of the Dreamer's influence.]
...I wish we knew why Dreamer and Revenge decided on that. I mean, we know they were here and they were trying to get out... So does that mean the prism trapped them here?
[like yasusada, he's starting to think the prism's not actively malicious...
maybe it's more like 'it thinks it's doing it's best for them'... a little like how Steel had thought they should give up and accept their fates,]
I don't think Dreamer was trying to get out. [Just, honestly.] Maybe at the beginning they were, but the letter we found--they kept talking about the potential of this place, and how great refraction is, and things like that. They definitely weren't thinking right.
[SWEET ITSUKI TRYING TO JUSTIFY DREAMER'S INSANITY when in actuality Lucien is just bonkers bananas... but honestly Yasusada agrees?? So he nods.]
That's what I've been thinking, too. [He told the residents exactly the same thing on more than one occasion.] If they want to stay here, then that's their choice. But it's not one that I can make, and I think a lot of the others feel the same way.
[Some of their number might've chosen to, without all the problems caused by the refractions--but that's not something any of the swords want, or could accept. Ultimately, they're too devoted to their master, their mission, and their home.]
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He sighs quietly, though, putting the knife down once he's done cutting.]
I might've been able to help, if you hadn't... but it's hard to say. When it was Buzen, I didn't wake up until after they were out of the dojo.
[So... he's inclined to think that it wouldn't have actually helped, if Itsuki had stayed. Especially not if Danny was able to possess him and make him leave anyway.]
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[He tries to shuffle through his memories -- see if he can remember Yasusada looking more tired than usual, but no... Yasusada's always been so strong.
Strong, and sad. But that sadness had always felt like a part of him.]
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Sometimes on the way back, I'd notice if somewhere else seemed disrupted--like that week where I tried to leave a note, for the rest of you. I'd made a mistake, thinking I noticed something off around the workshop.
[So he fucked up when he tried to be helpful...]
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he nods along as he listens.]
...Doesn't sound like you had a lot to work with. [even if he could stay awake...] And with all those places out there to explore too...
Did Steel-san tell you not to tell anyone else?
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Mm.
[He did, and he didn't--it's hard to say, because he doesn't think anything would've felt like enough, honestly. But he recognizes that, and he's grateful that he had the chance to help at all. He knows how frustrated Kashuu felt, despite being a confidant for both him and Clarte.
He nods, though.]
She did, at first. I wanted to insist on telling Kiyomitsu and Buzen, and she said I could tell Kiyomitsu if I found things, but only him. She was worried it might endanger people, if I told too many other people.
[If Buzen had lived longer, he might've tried to push for it again, but. He did not.]
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Makes sense. If you told someone and they refracted, then they could use that to their advantage.
[or they could have KILLED YAMS but he figures that might not be an option if everyone gets picked randomly on thursday night]
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Right, that too... but I meant, she was worried about the prism itself.
[Harming Yasusada, if he broke the rules--or worse, those close to him.]
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The prism itself? [...] Was it the prism that chose you guys? I thought it was the residents.
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Steel-san guided me, but she didn't know much more than I did. She said it was a directive of the Prism itself.
[Which is partly why he was never fully on-board with the "oh the prism is definitely totally evil" theory. It just didn't make sense to him, when he knew that he'd been chosen to help solve the murders.]
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this pokes holes in Itsuki's own 'prism is evil and we have to destroy it' theory he's been nursing from the beginning.]
I guess... that makes sense. The refraction... It messes up the prism too, right. And when Revenge killed Dreamer... That ended up breaking something.
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[So... it's probably closer to what they'd thought in the beginning. That the prism itself is a neutral force, more or less--Yasusada still doesn't particularly like it, given that it trapped them here in the first place, but he's inclined to think that most of the painful or malicious experiences they've had were the fault of the Dreamer's influence.]
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[like yasusada, he's starting to think the prism's not actively malicious...
maybe it's more like 'it thinks it's doing it's best for them'... a little like how Steel had thought they should give up and accept their fates,]
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[HE'S FUCKIN NUTS]
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...I think I can understand it a little. If this place is better than where they're from, then they might not have wanted to leave.
[or they're just nuts]
Doesn't mean they should force that opinion on anyone else though.
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That's what I've been thinking, too. [He told the residents exactly the same thing on more than one occasion.] If they want to stay here, then that's their choice. But it's not one that I can make, and I think a lot of the others feel the same way.
[Some of their number might've chosen to, without all the problems caused by the refractions--but that's not something any of the swords want, or could accept. Ultimately, they're too devoted to their master, their mission, and their home.]