nightchild | does roxana know of my love for her....

... I don't let people see much for a reason, Itsuki.

[ Her voice is soft, quiet. They aren't the same, but there is enough alike that she think she can tell that easily. ]

If you like what you see, it's usually because I want it that way.

[ So she didn't think it was a line from him, but if you're someone who presents a certain way to people, for the express reason for people to like or be charmed by or respect or fear, then it's almost expected. ]

[...it strikes a chord in him. though, maybe he'd already known this about roxana. the distance they spoken of. itsuki, who said he preferred to turn people fully away, either by pushing them away or leaving a shallow enough impression. roxana, who prefers keeping them at a precise distance.

so that's why he nods, acknowledging her truth. and he'll offer her one of his own]

...Yeah, you're good at that. But even you slip up sometimes, Roxana.

[he won't bring up all the moments they've been forced to show a little more than what they'd like, but he means those too. that, and the rest. roxana's knife slitting malik's throat, roxana with her hand on itsuki's, roxana with a memory laid out bare, roxana standing tall and choosing combat -- to win.]

I'm not infallible.

[ She acknowledges that, knows that. It's not as if she got away with her murder, but even before that, it's why she has her butterflies. She is reckless in her own way, but doesn't dare do much without knowing what else can happen.

It's why she hates the Prism. ]

I'm not a good person, Itsuki. I never will be.

[...Two sides of the same coin, huh?

He hadn't known what she meant then.

But it's fine, because he has a comparison of his own to draw upon.]

What do you think a good person is?

It's nothing so simple.

[ It's not like Roxana has a black and white view of the world. She knows there are so many nuances, too many complications and complexities. No one is fully good or fully bad, but she can't pretend she's a good person in any sense of the word.

She could have been good once. She was good once. She did choose to be good once.

And then her brother was killed. ]

Someone who would choose to help more than harm is too broad.

...I think so too.

It's not really something either of us can answer, huh?

[the idea of a good person]

So rather than asking what a good person is... how important do you think it is to be one?

[ That's also not a question she thinks has a clean or clear answer. Some people can't afford to be a good person.

Is it important to be a good person? Maybe, maybe not. It's a bit of a choice. It would be so easy to say very, but she doesn't. ]

I think the answer is clear in my actions.

[he looks at her for a long moment, then tilts his head up to look at the pink sky,]

It is, in all of them.

[that roxana doesn't care to limit herself under such a broad term, that she has no intention of believing that she fits in one definition.]

So would actions matter more than intentions?

The ends justify the means.

[ She'll be honest enough about that. The lengths she goes to, the cruelty she performs—even if she hates it, she still does it. ]

[it's such a simple and clear statement, for something so complicated.]

...We all have to find ways to survive. Some are just lucky enough to find softer means.

Some are. I am not one of those.

[ The moment she was born, her luck ran out. She had to create the fate she wanted. ]

[who would roxana be if she was?

someone different, obviously. someone who wouldn't really be her.]

Yeah. That's another thing that I like about you.

[ her previous life, before she got ran over by a car.

Even the Roxana of the book is different than the Roxana that is now even if at the core, perhaps they're not so different. ]

... Like you've said, I've only shown you so much of me.

We can't know everything there is to know about someone, whether they're willing or not. We just make do with what we get.

[this is true of roxana and so many people here -- clarte, crow, kazu, bubblegum, even buzen to some degree. Itsuki prides himself on seeing people, but he's not so arrogant as to think that he can really see through everyone.]

...I'm not trying to belittle what you've done when I say that. [not when Roxana will always remember] Just that I feel this way... and that's why I want you to survive tomorrow.

[ There's a small pause, the barest flicker of surprise, as if she's trying to parse what he says and how it makes her feel, before she shakes her head. ]

... But if it can't be both, you would still choose for whoever is against me tomorrow to survive over me.

does roxana know of my love for her....

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