[he takes a sip, hiding his smile with the can. his emotions are still fond though, so it just gives him away]
Sorry. Buzen told me that's a bad habit of mine -- making things uneven.
[sometimes ur just a giver because you don't know how else to be!!]
But you have helped. I like a lot of people here, but I'm glad I ended up rooming with you. We're on the same wavelength for a lot of stuff, so I've had a lot of fun.
[kazu... he would try to pinch him but this is a safe space for beer drinking,]
If I'm hesitant, then it's not because of you. ...I've just never really talked about myself before. Family and friends -- I don't have those back home. So all of this is new for me.
[there's a flare of gratitude, then something hesitant.]
...Thanks.
[he looks to the door of the room where Kumon's resting, and then back at Kazu.]
I know I've said I've been doing better, but... I think about Buzen and the others all the time. I don't know if that's me just trying to deny what happened, or if I really believe that they're not dead. Am I holding out for hope? Or refusing to process?
You're right about that. Dreamer's notes have a pretty specific vibe. That one is... really weird.
I can see where you'd get that thought from it, though. Like - "I may no longer exist on that side, but I'm free?" And the prism is different from anything that any of us have ever really seen, so... who knows? Maybe the ones we've lost are somewhere else.
[ the thought gives him a little spark of hope, at least, so he smiles. ]
And I think it's better to hope for them to still be out there somewhere if we have any reason to. Better to hold onto a light like that than to give up, right?
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[a surge of warmth for both of these normie boys... and Itsuki will head to the kitchen and return with two beers, holding one out for Kazu.]
It's a good thing we have that bar though. After a day like this... there'd be a revolving door of people coming here for a drink.
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You're right about that, but it's not like we could turn them away. I'd probs have to take him to sleep on the stage again instead.
...Thanks, though. You're always so kind to us, Suki.
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You say that like Marci-chan wouldn't have immediately put a stop to it.
[don't sleep on the stage??? COME BACK HOME YOU TWO!!!]
I could say the same. ...You've helped me a lot, both of you.
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...Have we? Maybe Kumopi has, but you've done way more than I have.
[ and he wants to do more, but sometimes he isn't sure how. ]
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Sorry. Buzen told me that's a bad habit of mine -- making things uneven.
[sometimes ur just a giver because you don't know how else to be!!]
But you have helped. I like a lot of people here, but I'm glad I ended up rooming with you. We're on the same wavelength for a lot of stuff, so I've had a lot of fun.
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he hesitates for a moment, then]
...I guess I can try relying on you more -- maybe talk about my feelings.
[that's the harder part, honestly]
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But only if you're comfortable with it, and I definitely understand if you aren't.
[ because of what he'd said before... ]
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If I'm hesitant, then it's not because of you. ...I've just never really talked about myself before. Family and friends -- I don't have those back home. So all of this is new for me.
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And I'm not going to judge you, either.
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...Thanks.
[he looks to the door of the room where Kumon's resting, and then back at Kazu.]
I know I've said I've been doing better, but... I think about Buzen and the others all the time. I don't know if that's me just trying to deny what happened, or if I really believe that they're not dead. Am I holding out for hope? Or refusing to process?
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I think it's normal to do that, when we've lost people that we care about. I still think about them, too.
Is there something in particular that makes you think they aren't dead, though?
[ true to his word, he's only curious, not judgmental. ]
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[he shrugs a little, helplessly]
...It's really just a belief. I don't want to see the person I become if I stop believing in that.
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I can see where you'd get that thought from it, though. Like - "I may no longer exist on that side, but I'm free?" And the prism is different from anything that any of us have ever really seen, so... who knows? Maybe the ones we've lost are somewhere else.
[ the thought gives him a little spark of hope, at least, so he smiles. ]
And I think it's better to hope for them to still be out there somewhere if we have any reason to. Better to hold onto a light like that than to give up, right?
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I'll hold onto that no matter what, I think.
[even if evidence proves to the contrary]
Thanks, Kazu-kun. For listening.
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Besides, you should have someone to talk to now and then, too.
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[he's joking but the idea of kazu being forced to listen to itsuki talk about buzen all night is so funny]
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