[It's such a complicated tangle of emotion; relief, gratitude, guilt, sorrow. The weight of a heart has always been so foreign and difficult to handle--he doesn't even know how to begin understanding everything he's feeling tonight.]
I don't think I could've done it any earlier.
[And Yasusada is a painfully honest person--he trusts, by now, that Itsuki knows he wouldn't have kept quiet from him if he didn't have to.
He's quiet for a minute, tucking himself even more tightly against Kashuu's side.]
Even if Kiyomitsu hadn't used his gumball, Su-sensei was looking at my knife. She noticed the damage to it.
[Which he might've been able to lie about, but--it's not really in Yasusada's nature to do so, and they had no other true leads at the time. It's likely suspicion would've landed on him anyway.]
[The mention of that FCKIN CURSED GUMBALL FROM HELL has him curling even closer to Yasusada, his breath hitching a little. FUCK THAT GUMBALL. HE HATES IT HERE. HE TRIES TO BE HELPFUL ONE TIME IN A TRIAL AND HE DOXXES HIS PARTNER.
Anyway.]
...You're way too honest for your own good, stupid.
[There's no bite in those words like there usually would be, though. He just sounds miserable.]
[yeah, Itsuki absolutely believes that Yasusada would have told him if he could. That's why Kashuu is curled up in a ball, dunking on him.]
...I think that saved you, Yasu-kun. If you'd been refracted -- then you wouldn't have said anything. Jiu-chan was looking at your knife, but we were still running out of time. And we would have had to ask for your item to help confirm it. I don't think you would have helped if you'd been under a refraction.
[he looks a little pensive, even as he gives Kashuu a soothing little back rub]
Your honesty proved that it was you. And all of us knew that. Maybe some people voted for you, but most of us didn't.
[THIS DUNKING!!!! Automatically, he turns to bury his face against Kashuu--to hold back another apology, maybe, or just to reassure him that they're truly all safely here.]
...Mm.
[He's not thinking of himself, really--rather, he's thinking of Atsushi, who Yasusada had known as kind and brave, someone he believes never would've lied if he'd been in his right mind. He's thinking of Kazuma, who'd truly believed he was rescuing his closest friend.
He doesn't want to think about what Meteion might've been thinking or feeling, when she'd turned her blade on Crow. She must've been made to think she was saving him too, or something of the sort. They all know, by now, that refraction is a twisted, ugly thing.]
[YEAH, HE DUNKS!! IT'S HIS RIGHT!!!! But he'll just make a grateful sound at Itsuki's lil back rub, and transfer the gesture to Yasusada, whose back he rubs in a gentle motion, as if to apologize for his harshness and the fact that he never knows how to handle these things in a more elegant way.
Anyway, he'll say what he's sure several people are thinking right now.]
It was really mostly that belief, I think. And luck. [And the fact that no one wanted to separate a peanut and a potato.] ...The fact that Roxana had enough votes to tip the scales her way is - ...I mean. It's a surprise, y'know? Even with no real evidence.
[YALL REALLY JUST THREW ROXANA TO THE WOLVES. "ROXANA CAN DO WHATEVER" EVERYONE SAYS, UNTIL THE OTHER PERSON UP FOR DEATH IS A POMERANIAN.]
...Yeah. We didn't have anything concrete enough to really confront her with. Though Te-kun and Crow seemed to have a better idea than the rest of us.
[Itsuki won't say he did. He cast his vote on the pure hope that Yasusada wouldn't be voted for. He threw Roxana to the wolves, knowing what it would might mean. that and he has a feeling she of all people could destroy the wolves]
We don't know if she's refracted either. ...Personally, I think she is, considering that we found evidence at all. If she'd been her normal self, then we would have never even considered her as an option.
[He wants to shake his head, to reassure Kashuu that it's fine--but he doesn't even really have the energy for that, in all honesty.]
...I remember seeing a memory, of her butterflies. I wasn't really thinking about it at the time. [For obvious reasons.] But she'd... been coughing after she used them then, too.
[And, y'know. The guilty verdict was there for all to see.]
I don't think she would've killed Garou if she wasn't. I guess it might've been self-defense too, but...
[It seems kind of unlikely, especially with her refusal to answer questions, and her behavior throughout the trial.
He sighs softly.]
Maybe someone will come through for her, like with Percy.
[That seems even more unlikely, but at least they know it's not totally impossible.]
[The funny thing is, he'd seen that memory too and he had been so entirely bowled over by seeing Yasusada's knife that he'd just COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT.
But he just nods at that, quiet, absentmindedly raising a hand to stroke his fingers through Yasusada's hair.]
Yeah... I think she's refracted. She wouldn't do anything that'd put her at risk otherwise, y'know?
[Garou attacking first doesn't seem likely to him either, for the same reasons.
He lapses into a discomforted silence at the mention of Percy, though, thinking about what he'd heard from Shale.]
[can't believe kashuu's not sharing with the class?
It doesn't make him feel better about Roxana, but he's a little relieved to know that Yasusada and Kashuu think the same way. Roxana's always been hard to read, so maybe there are others who think the opposite. Either way, he feels like she might not tell the truth, especially if it earned her sympathy.
he sighs, because it really has been an exhausting day, even if the trial is over and both yasusada and kashuu are safe now.]
...At least we won't have to worry about anyone transforming tomorrow.
[he cups both of their faces with his hands for a moment,]
[That's one relief--and one that extends, selfishly, towards himself as well. Something had affected him, enough to prevent him from being as honest as he normally would have been from the very start--but he feels wholly normal now, and he doesn't have the energy to worry about it further.
Yasusada's hair shimmers into a midnight blue, but he doesn't seem to mind the touch; he just draws in a deep, steadying breath.]
Me too. [If he had been refracting, this whole night would've gone very differently.] And you too.
[Swords are used to death. Corruption isn't wholly new to them either. But Yasusada doesn't want to lose either of them--not their lives, or their minds, which would be the same thing in the end.]
[Corruption is what he fears more than death, honestly. Death is not new to him, even compared to other swords; he was born into it, and he left before many others, too. But to lose one's sense of self? Especially for them, whose sense is already a relatively new thing, in human-facing terms? It's a terrible thought.
In subconscious reaction, he pulls Yasusada closer, the hand on Itsuki tightening its grip a little, like that alone could help keep them both tethered to this side with him.]
...Yeah. First time finding both of the people refracting, huh...
[Somehow, it never feels like a victory, no matter how much they accomplish, even with the few people they manage to save.]
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nightchild) wrote2022-03-25 07:38 pm
no subject
I don't think I could've done it any earlier.
[And Yasusada is a painfully honest person--he trusts, by now, that Itsuki knows he wouldn't have kept quiet from him if he didn't have to.
He's quiet for a minute, tucking himself even more tightly against Kashuu's side.]
Even if Kiyomitsu hadn't used his gumball, Su-sensei was looking at my knife. She noticed the damage to it.
[Which he might've been able to lie about, but--it's not really in Yasusada's nature to do so, and they had no other true leads at the time. It's likely suspicion would've landed on him anyway.]
no subject
Anyway.]
...You're way too honest for your own good, stupid.
[There's no bite in those words like there usually would be, though. He just sounds miserable.]
no subject
...I think that saved you, Yasu-kun. If you'd been refracted -- then you wouldn't have said anything. Jiu-chan was looking at your knife, but we were still running out of time. And we would have had to ask for your item to help confirm it. I don't think you would have helped if you'd been under a refraction.
[he looks a little pensive, even as he gives Kashuu a soothing little back rub]
Your honesty proved that it was you. And all of us knew that. Maybe some people voted for you, but most of us didn't.
no subject
...Mm.
[He's not thinking of himself, really--rather, he's thinking of Atsushi, who Yasusada had known as kind and brave, someone he believes never would've lied if he'd been in his right mind. He's thinking of Kazuma, who'd truly believed he was rescuing his closest friend.
He doesn't want to think about what Meteion might've been thinking or feeling, when she'd turned her blade on Crow. She must've been made to think she was saving him too, or something of the sort. They all know, by now, that refraction is a twisted, ugly thing.]
no subject
Anyway, he'll say what he's sure several people are thinking right now.]
It was really mostly that belief, I think. And luck. [And the fact that no one wanted to separate a peanut and a potato.] ...The fact that Roxana had enough votes to tip the scales her way is - ...I mean. It's a surprise, y'know? Even with no real evidence.
[YALL REALLY JUST THREW ROXANA TO THE WOLVES. "ROXANA CAN DO WHATEVER" EVERYONE SAYS, UNTIL THE OTHER PERSON UP FOR DEATH IS A POMERANIAN.]
no subject
[Itsuki won't say he did. He cast his vote on the pure hope that Yasusada wouldn't be voted for. He threw Roxana to the wolves, knowing what it would might mean. that and he has a feeling she of all people could destroy the wolves]
We don't know if she's refracted either. ...Personally, I think she is, considering that we found evidence at all. If she'd been her normal self, then we would have never even considered her as an option.
no subject
...I remember seeing a memory, of her butterflies. I wasn't really thinking about it at the time. [For obvious reasons.] But she'd... been coughing after she used them then, too.
[And, y'know. The guilty verdict was there for all to see.]
I don't think she would've killed Garou if she wasn't. I guess it might've been self-defense too, but...
[It seems kind of unlikely, especially with her refusal to answer questions, and her behavior throughout the trial.
He sighs softly.]
Maybe someone will come through for her, like with Percy.
[That seems even more unlikely, but at least they know it's not totally impossible.]
no subject
But he just nods at that, quiet, absentmindedly raising a hand to stroke his fingers through Yasusada's hair.]
Yeah... I think she's refracted. She wouldn't do anything that'd put her at risk otherwise, y'know?
[Garou attacking first doesn't seem likely to him either, for the same reasons.
He lapses into a discomforted silence at the mention of Percy, though, thinking about what he'd heard from Shale.]
no subject
It doesn't make him feel better about Roxana, but he's a little relieved to know that Yasusada and Kashuu think the same way. Roxana's always been hard to read, so maybe there are others who think the opposite. Either way, he feels like she might not tell the truth, especially if it earned her sympathy.
he sighs, because it really has been an exhausting day, even if the trial is over and both yasusada and kashuu are safe now.]
...At least we won't have to worry about anyone transforming tomorrow.
[he cups both of their faces with his hands for a moment,]
...I'm glad you two are yourselves.
no subject
[That's one relief--and one that extends, selfishly, towards himself as well. Something had affected him, enough to prevent him from being as honest as he normally would have been from the very start--but he feels wholly normal now, and he doesn't have the energy to worry about it further.
Yasusada's hair shimmers into a midnight blue, but he doesn't seem to mind the touch; he just draws in a deep, steadying breath.]
Me too. [If he had been refracting, this whole night would've gone very differently.] And you too.
[Swords are used to death. Corruption isn't wholly new to them either. But Yasusada doesn't want to lose either of them--not their lives, or their minds, which would be the same thing in the end.]
no subject
In subconscious reaction, he pulls Yasusada closer, the hand on Itsuki tightening its grip a little, like that alone could help keep them both tethered to this side with him.]
...Yeah. First time finding both of the people refracting, huh...
[Somehow, it never feels like a victory, no matter how much they accomplish, even with the few people they manage to save.]