[Her first impulse is to push him away, and she lets out a strangled, surprised noise, but after a moment, the tension abates, like she's a puppet that's cut off from its string.]
[Her arms come up to embrace him, too, keeping him close.]
It's...it's not fair.... [She's murmuring, roughly.] Not him...
[It might be touch week, but Itsuki knows he needs this. He hopes that Hot Pants needs this too. Otherwise, it'd feel a little too much like being selfish.]
...Yeah.
[his voice is heavy, it's a struggle to find the next words, but]
I didn't want it to be anyone, but -- I... I really... [no, he thinks. that's wrong. i want it to be anyone other than him. he squeezes her harder once more, before loosening his embrace]
[His hand goes back out to grip hers, tightly. He thinks about scolding her, he wants to, but...]
...You know what he'd say to that.
[he tries to come off as soft, but it just feels... lost. because what would buzen say? he'd scold her, for sure. he'd say something about how he's a sword, so he's built for sacrifice, and that hot pants had a duty to stay alive.
all words that are true for him, but what do they mean for the people left behind?]
But I get it. [...even if buzen would be upset to hear this from them] ...He's -- one of a kind, huh? I've met lots of people in my life, but... he's different.
[if itsuki had died then there wouldn't have been much of a shift, he thinks. but buzen leaving feels like everyone's had their heart gutted]
[.......She doesn't mind. She's still reeling, and she holds his hand like an anchor at sea, unable to let go.]
He's different, for sure. [She hangs her head.] I know what he'd say. I know that...he'd hate me saying that.
[She's blinking now, eyes watering. She hates this. She hates everything. He's a sword spirit, but...]
He'd probably be smiling that stupid smile and telling me not to be sad, because one of these days he could disappear at any moment, and...Itsuki, how could...how could this have happened?
[Itsuki thinks he's keeping it up pretty well -- he thinks he's taking the emotions and pulling them back so he can handle them later, somewhere where his grief won't overwhelm everyone else's.
But seeing the tears in Hot Pants' eyes? Especially knowing how unassailable she's always been? It's like a knife straight in his heart, right below the one Buzen's left on him.]
...I don't know. [he closes his eyes tight, but his hand is still holding Hot Pants] ...He was at the dojo with me last night. Shuu-kun and Yasu-kun -- Clarte... Mete-chan. Bass was there too.
[he knows that's not the answer either of them need, but saying something, anything feels like all he can do.]
...I can't imagine anyone getting the jump on him. He's... There's just no way.
...What I worry is that...it will be the same as Kazuma.
[She prides herself on keeping everything down, but the fact is, there are soft spots there, and this hit straight to one, piercing, uncaring. A soul, gone.]
You heard of it, right? [She squeezes Itsuki's hand, glancing up at him.] That Kazuma insists that it was not he who attacked first, but Ryunosuke. [...] Buzen may...have been the first to make his move, and someone reacted out of self defense.
[There's a flicker of shock on Itsuki's face, before realization. Then it turns into something like fear,]
You mean... [oh no, oh no...] Like when he and Vax and Garou were investigating -- ? When his emotions were manipulated?
[like ryunosuke, who apparently wanted to hurt kazuma?]
He -- said that he didn't want to feel like that ever again.
[but wanting something is different from letting something happen, itsuki knows. he's just -- blindsided at the idea that the prism could be so cruel, even though it's already proven how cruel it can be]
[itsuki likes to pretend that he's a pacifist, and he is technically an ambassador for peace but
hell, who is he kidding. that was when he protected himself from caring for others. it turns out when you love someone so much, you feel everything so much more intensely.]
...Is it our emotions? [he says it, almost robotically] The colors are our emotions, and this place... It needs us. It puts us in these situations, just to see us...
[react? cry? be in pain? if he's right, then they sure picked the best person to see this]
[Colors. Brought here, everything taken away, then given abilities. Places to live. Stay here. Stay forever. But she can't, she won't, and now this, murder mysteries, death. Feeling the reeling sense of grief over someone lost who should have never been lost at all.]
[She doesn't let go of Itsuki's hand, even as she hisses out the words.]
[In any other circumstance, perhaps, the hug would make her angrier. She doesn't need comfort. She needs to move on. She needs to fix things. She cannot let things control her. She cannot let something overwhelm her to the point where she feels she is drowning.]
[But she's tired, and it makes her miss Buzen all the more, and she doesn't even bother with trying to pull away at all. She rests her hands on his waist, and lets out a shuddering sigh.]
[if he can do this much for hot pants in buzen's stead.... he thinks buzen would want him to, and also itsuki wants to too. in all the chaos of meeting people and connecting with them, he's finding out that he cares.
what will happen next week? will they both go down the same route? will it be hot pants or him? he can't let himself think too hard about it, or he'll spiral.]
...I'll try for S-kun too, but... I want to be honest with you -- I'm going to focus on Buzen.
[does he want hot pants to understand or to scold him? he's not sure]
And when it comes down to a vote... I'll vote for the person involved in his death.
[She nods, understanding - one of her hands goes up to the top of his head, holding him. She's not a warm person. Buzen was sunshine, eager and welcoming. She's nothing like that.]
[But in circumstances like this...maybe it would be okay to do what he would do. Buzen would hold someone like this. Comfort them.]
"We'll never have to say goodbye, if I carry you with me, and me with you." [She says, after a moment.] That's what he told me. So...yes. Of course. He's still here. Even not physically...he's still here.
[Buzen is someone Itsuki's felt so much happiness with honestly, his presence really is sunshine.
But Hot Pants is warm too, her honesty and the way she can see through him, her love for Buzen. He needs all of that too. He tilts his head down a little to accommodate her -- and his own feelings.]
Mm. [even if the entire world forgets for some impossible reason, he and hot pants should be enough, itsuki thinks. hot pants will fight to remember, itsuki will hold on just the same.]
I bet he has so much to say to us right now. [amused, as he affectionately squeezes her shoulder to let her know he doesn't mean any bite] Especially you, Hot Pants.
[She almost doesn't want to say "he was", even though that's true, as if uttering that alone will make the truth definite. He's not gone. Not yet. Not when the two of them are still here.]
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[Her first impulse is to push him away, and she lets out a strangled, surprised noise, but after a moment, the tension abates, like she's a puppet that's cut off from its string.]
[Her arms come up to embrace him, too, keeping him close.]
It's...it's not fair.... [She's murmuring, roughly.] Not him...
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...Yeah.
[his voice is heavy, it's a struggle to find the next words, but]
I didn't want it to be anyone, but -- I... I really... [no, he thinks. that's wrong. i want it to be anyone other than him. he squeezes her harder once more, before loosening his embrace]
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[Buzen that day had held her tight, laughing, so full of joy despite everything and now, now he's gone, and...]
[I was never meant to exist.]
[Itsuki pulls away, and she feels empty, now, missing the contact more than she wants to admit.]
...I didn't want it to be him. [She's gritting her teeth.] Hell, even...better me than him.
[She doesn't know what she's saying. She's shaking.]
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...You know what he'd say to that.
[he tries to come off as soft, but it just feels... lost. because what would buzen say? he'd scold her, for sure. he'd say something about how he's a sword, so he's built for sacrifice, and that hot pants had a duty to stay alive.
all words that are true for him, but what do they mean for the people left behind?]
But I get it. [...even if buzen would be upset to hear this from them] ...He's -- one of a kind, huh? I've met lots of people in my life, but... he's different.
[if itsuki had died then there wouldn't have been much of a shift, he thinks. but buzen leaving feels like everyone's had their heart gutted]
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He's different, for sure. [She hangs her head.] I know what he'd say. I know that...he'd hate me saying that.
[She's blinking now, eyes watering. She hates this. She hates everything. He's a sword spirit, but...]
He'd probably be smiling that stupid smile and telling me not to be sad, because one of these days he could disappear at any moment, and...Itsuki, how could...how could this have happened?
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But seeing the tears in Hot Pants' eyes? Especially knowing how unassailable she's always been? It's like a knife straight in his heart, right below the one Buzen's left on him.]
...I don't know. [he closes his eyes tight, but his hand is still holding Hot Pants] ...He was at the dojo with me last night. Shuu-kun and Yasu-kun -- Clarte... Mete-chan. Bass was there too.
[he knows that's not the answer either of them need, but saying something, anything feels like all he can do.]
...I can't imagine anyone getting the jump on him. He's... There's just no way.
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[She prides herself on keeping everything down, but the fact is, there are soft spots there, and this hit straight to one, piercing, uncaring. A soul, gone.]
You heard of it, right? [She squeezes Itsuki's hand, glancing up at him.] That Kazuma insists that it was not he who attacked first, but Ryunosuke. [...] Buzen may...have been the first to make his move, and someone reacted out of self defense.
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You mean... [oh no, oh no...] Like when he and Vax and Garou were investigating -- ? When his emotions were manipulated?
[like ryunosuke, who apparently wanted to hurt kazuma?]
He -- said that he didn't want to feel like that ever again.
[but wanting something is different from letting something happen, itsuki knows. he's just -- blindsided at the idea that the prism could be so cruel, even though it's already proven how cruel it can be]
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[But this place doesn't care. Through the fog of reeling sorrow comes anger, hot and true, her gaze sharpening like metal on an iron block.]
This place is using us, and it wanted to use us, didn't it? We were brought here for a reason, and...for what? To be this thing's playthings?
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hell, who is he kidding. that was when he protected himself from caring for others. it turns out when you love someone so much, you feel everything so much more intensely.]
...Is it our emotions? [he says it, almost robotically] The colors are our emotions, and this place... It needs us. It puts us in these situations, just to see us...
[react? cry? be in pain? if he's right, then they sure picked the best person to see this]
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[Colors. Brought here, everything taken away, then given abilities. Places to live. Stay here. Stay forever. But she can't, she won't, and now this, murder mysteries, death. Feeling the reeling sense of grief over someone lost who should have never been lost at all.]
[She doesn't let go of Itsuki's hand, even as she hisses out the words.]
If it wants emotion, I'll make it choke on it.
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Even so, he reaches out to tug Hot Pants in another hug.]
...Yeah. No matter what happens. Whoever it is, for whatever reason... if Buzen attacked first or was attacked...
[his grip tightens. they know it's because of this place, and that makes it the perpetrator to Itsuki, no matter how things shake out tomorrow]
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[But she's tired, and it makes her miss Buzen all the more, and she doesn't even bother with trying to pull away at all. She rests her hands on his waist, and lets out a shuddering sigh.]
Yeah. We'll...we'll find it out.
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what will happen next week? will they both go down the same route? will it be hot pants or him? he can't let himself think too hard about it, or he'll spiral.]
...I'll try for S-kun too, but... I want to be honest with you -- I'm going to focus on Buzen.
[does he want hot pants to understand or to scold him? he's not sure]
And when it comes down to a vote... I'll vote for the person involved in his death.
[no matter
their reasons, he thinks.]
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[It's good to be honest. It's a virtue, after all.]
[It's funny, how much she thought Itsuki got under her skin, and now...there's something here, unspoken, that only they understand.]
I will work to try to find both. I owe that to 9S. [...] But most of all, I want to know what happened to Buzen.
[The truth. The whole truth. Nothing but the truth.]
...Itsuki. [She says, after a moment, turning her head to glance at him.] You cared very much for him, didn't you?
[With a statement like he said...she thinks it must be obvious.]
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it's why he doesn't shy away or look panicked now, instead he nods, his gaze turning a little distant.]
...I told him I wanted to be with him, and he said he wanted the same. No -- I want to be with him. No matter where he is.
[even if he's gone and broken, like sword spirits sometimes are. he huffs a little,]
...We have to remember him, so that he'll still exist, yeah?
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[She nods, understanding - one of her hands goes up to the top of his head, holding him. She's not a warm person. Buzen was sunshine, eager and welcoming. She's nothing like that.]
[But in circumstances like this...maybe it would be okay to do what he would do. Buzen would hold someone like this. Comfort them.]
"We'll never have to say goodbye, if I carry you with me, and me with you." [She says, after a moment.] That's what he told me. So...yes. Of course. He's still here. Even not physically...he's still here.
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But Hot Pants is warm too, her honesty and the way she can see through him, her love for Buzen. He needs all of that too. He tilts his head down a little to accommodate her -- and his own feelings.]
Mm. [even if the entire world forgets for some impossible reason, he and hot pants should be enough, itsuki thinks. hot pants will fight to remember, itsuki will hold on just the same.]
I bet he has so much to say to us right now. [amused, as he affectionately squeezes her shoulder to let her know he doesn't mean any bite] Especially you, Hot Pants.
['it should've been me'??? girl...........]
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[She almost doesn't want to say "he was", even though that's true, as if uttering that alone will make the truth definite. He's not gone. Not yet. Not when the two of them are still here.]
[She turns to him, frowning a little.]
You're a sap, too.
[But its clear she doesn't mean it as an insult.]