nightchild | does roxana know of my love for her....

[Before Itsuki can wonder on Roxana's warning -- on the way she seems to know exactly what kind of memory he'd see -- he's distracted by the memory in front of him.

Roxana is easy to recognize, despite the difference in age. But the clear anger in her eyes throws him off, the tears too, the rage in her voice. She's very different -- because Itsuki has never seen Roxana with a hair out of place, or heard her voice raised, or seen her so vulnerable.

Ah.

This is a private memory. This is the kind that tells him so much about her, more than she'd probably like him to know.]

...Roxana.

[he wants to say he's sorry for her pain, for the course of events that led her to have to kill someone she loved. but like kashuu said, sometimes those words have such little value. he doesn't know if roxana would want his sympathy, or anything he could offer.

still, he can't help but be curious,]

...Is this what your father does? You have to do this to help him with his work?

[ It's hard to say if sympathy would get anywhere with her. It's wholly dependent on the execution, but this is her most traumatic memory, and she has to shove that all back down. Years of dealing with Deon has made it so keeping her composure is near effortless. ]

That's what qualified his children to being worthy of the family.

[ It's said neutrally. ]

[...This is why she told him to prepare, he realizes. How many of her memories are like this? If she's part of this family...

Itsuki doesn't know what words to say. Roxana's composure makes him afraid of fracturing it with the right or wrong thing. He raises his hand to the bubble instead, the look in his eyes careful and sad, then taps it with a blue light,]

[you're lying face down on the ground, the hand tangled in your hair pressing your face against the dirt. at this point you've stopped fighting, every part of your body hurts with the blows. you keep still and silent, hoping beyond hope for it to stop, for it to all just -- ]

Itsuki!

[your blood runs cold and then hot, and you force your head up despite the pressure yanking at your hair. Your sister is standing there -- obviously identical in every way, except she's dressed in bright silks. she spreads her arms out wide, demands for the man to let you go. She has an imperious quality to her voice that makes the man hesitate for a moment, before remembering that there's no reason for him to bend to brothel brats.

he's going to beat her too, you know this. even if Kazuha makes the most money, even though Kazuha is your sister and you care for her the most in the world -- she will be beaten, because that is how the world in this brothel is.

Your gazes meet, and Kazuha nods -- almost imperceptibly, and then you know.

You lunge up to grab the man's arm, using your entire body to hold him in place, and Kazuha's slamming her hands against his face, face still.

the man twitches once, and then he throws both Kazuha and you off like rag dolls, the scream rising in his throat. he's raking his fingers down his arms and screaming louder, shaking his clothes as if insects are on him, and maybe there are -- he's screaming for someone to get them off him.

Kazuha is on the ground, watching with fascination, so it's up to you to pick up the stick on the ground and hit the man in the back of the head, cutting him off mid-scream.]

...Kazuha.

[you grip her small hand in your bruised one, and the both of you get to your feet and gaze down at the man. there will be retribution once he gets up, you know. you gaze at each other. Kazuha puts her hand on your bloodied face,

You have to protect her. Everyone knows that Kazuha can give people dreams, but they don't know she has the power of illusions. if they knew, then there's no way they'd leave her alone. You close your eyes, breath long and slow. Yeah, you can do this. It's easy. You hold the branch aloft in your hands, turn to the man, the memory blinks out before the branch swings down]

[ Abuse is much too rampant among children across the worlds. This is a horrible reality and not unsurprising but no less terrible. If only the violence were something that Roxana could flinch at anymore. ]

I would have done the same.

[ It is neither censure or approval. It's not necessarily meant to make any of it better. It is simply understanding.

Protection or survival. Some things must be done whether you like to do it or not. ]

[It takes a moment for Itsuki to reply, but he nods, almost absently.]

That didn't happen very often. Kazuha was always good at hiding her illusion powers... Most people thought she only had the power of dream-giving.

[he's less shaken by the violence and more of having to see her in the first place, it's been a while...]

If it's just dreams, then people wouldn't want to use her. ...That's what we thought, anyway.

There are things that people would love to see again in dreams.

[ It's naïve to think people wouldn't want to use any ability for their own profits. ]

Did you manage to escape?

[he ducks his head to acknowledge her point, then looks thoughtful.]

...Kazuha got sick, and she knew she was dying. She wanted to protect me one last time. So she passed her power onto me.

[so, in the end, he didn't really escape, still]

Years of trying to protect each other, and then having to just protect myself... It made it harder, for some reason.

[ There are some similarities, but there are also some vast differences. ]

If you're used to being with someone, especially someone you loved as much as your sister, it's hard to be by yourself.

It's hard to know if it's worth it as much without her.

[Roxana puts it so succinctly. He'd be impressed if he hadn't just seen her memory, now he's just... is it sadness? resignation?

but he's willing to talk more about himself in return,]

I try not to think about it too much. I'd just start pitying myself... And it'd only make her annoyed if she knew.

I think I'd like your sister, if I ever met her. You should consider her wishes more.

[ There is only so much you can do for the dead. ]

[...]

...Yeah, I think you would have too.

[it's been years, but...

they really are similar in some ways. roxana and kazuha...]

Definitely more than you like me.

You don't know how much I like you.

[ So stop assuming. ]

[hello??? but also touché,

he lets out a quick laugh,]

Alright, alright. I can take a hint.

[ She probably would like Kazuha more than Itsuki, but Roxana can only know the living. What can the dead do for her? ]

Now that that's settled, I'll be on my way.

[ Because it's not like she hasn't had dreams and nightmares about that particular memory time and time again, but it's been a while since it's been so visceral. She wants to be alone.

so i can make room for new yaywon threads ]

does roxana know of my love for her....

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