nightchild | does roxana know of my love for her....

[he'll sit carefully in a chair near her bed. it doesn't feel like a conversation he should have standing up, unless Roxana tells him to leave.]

Buzen wants you to be his master, and I told him that it's okay if he wants that.

[ pc timelines are fake.... pc timelines aren't real......

She isn't going to tell him to leave. She's honestly flummoxed, but the surprise is more of a flash and a flicker than anything else on her face. ]

Why?

[ She was so sure Itsuki would say no. She wouldn't think it'd be wrong of him to say no, to not be okay with this platonic homewrecking. ]

[STOP HELP WE CAN DATE THIS LATER IF U WANT ARA]

...He said that you were one of the first people to ask him what he really wanted -- beyond his duty as a sword. He told me he doesn't want to abandon you. And that he wants you to wield him.

[...]

I think we both know that Buzen doesn't really let himself want. Or if he does, he just prioritizes other people's desires over his own. But when he told me about how he'd like to have a legacy of his own... About how he wasn't sure if it was right for him to be selfish...

I think he deserves to be. Even if it's not with me.

[he thinks it says a lot that Buzen thinks that wanting things is selfishness in the first place,]

[ it's ok.... i make this timeline work however it needs to be.... however you need it to be.... waves hands

She closes her eyes. ]

When I first asked him what he wished for, he looked like he didn't know how to answer the question. I don't know if it's because he's a sword or if it's because that's just how he is.

[ She opens her eyes to meet his gaze. ]

He could be selfish with you.

[ She agrees with him, about what Buzen is like. She thinks it's nice for Buzen to want things.

She doesn't think it's necessarily right to want her to be his master. ]

[lifts you up... i owe you my life.meme

He takes in her gaze, and his smile goes a little crooked.]

He already is -- as much as he can be.

[which is something itsuki treasures, even if it's something that makes him just as jealous.]

I won't push you to accept him -- just like how I won't push him not to. That's something you should discuss with him.

[it's the same courtesy Roxana gave Itsuki, after all.]

[ She was so certain Itsuki's jealousy would make him want to keep Buzen to himself. He already established a monogamy.

She won't lie and say having Buzen as a sword doesn't work in her favor because she is someone who will use whatever and whoever is at her disposal. She's still surprised. Itsuki is being so kind and courteous.

Roxana would never. She may be good at heart, but she hardly listens to her heart. Not anymore. ]

You are being kinder than you have to be, but I know you love him. And I know he loves you.

[ It's the kind of decision that only a certain kind of love can bring, she thinks, that Itsuki could set aside his jealousy enough to give Buzen this choice.

She was ready to let Buzen go, has been since she met him. ]

I'll talk to him.

['kinder than he has to be', huh. normally, that would be a bad thing. just yet another way of Itsuki minimizing his desires in order to please someone else. but this time... it's not like that, he knows. he made his desires clear. and buzen had made his clear too. he wants to keep him close even now. but it's this version of buzen, not the version that'll just make itsuki happy, without thinking of himself.]

Mm, okay.

[it's both an acknowledgement and a thank you. he thinks about all the other things he could say, but those are the kinds of things he can say after -- after roxana makes a decision. he could stand here and ask her not to hurt him, threaten or coax or beg, and a part of him wants to, so badly.

he knows buzen very well, he knows roxana less. but he likes them both. he thinks about buzen's confused expression when itsuki had told him that he and roxana were similar.

they are. itsuki wonders if they'll realize that,]

I won't lie to you. I feel pretty conflicted even now, but... [he shrugs, maybe that's to be expected from someone who got black out drunk and thought buzen abandoned him] Maybe that's because it's not something I understand very well -- fighting for someone, or having a reason to fight.

[ Roxana does not think she is much like Buzen outside of how they will bloody themselves when it's necessary, how they will cut down anyone for an objective. Buzen has his duty. She has her goals. ]

I expected you to not like it. [ Conflicted is mild. She doesn't think Itsuki should be so quick to think Buzen will abandon him even while drunk when all he does is try to show his loyalty, but that speaks more to Itsuki's issues than anything else.

It speaks enough of Roxana when she, too, doesn't think Buzen will be truly loyal to her and she still struggles to believe the extent of the loyalty Buzen wants to give her. ]

You may not fight the way we do, but you do know how to fight for someone.

[ She remembers, from that week she hated so much, what he did for his sister. ]

You do have a reason to fight.

[ If it was his sister before, it is Buzen now. It's not so different even if Itsuki is not someone who will walk into a war. ]

Even if it has nothing to do with shedding blood.

does roxana know of my love for her....

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