[ Don’t you fucking dare say boyfriend when he’s out here fuckin’. ]
Fuck off! I know it’s bullshit!
You wanna kill me, you despise me, you hate even having to look at my face right now — I bet you’re just five seconds away from throwing up from hearing my voice.
You’re all fucking happy that the girl with a fucked up life and a fucked up head is going to hell, right!? One less problem — but ohhhh nooooo if only she didn’t take someone we actually liked…
That's not being honest. That's just saying what you want to hear.
[he's stopped smiling at least, so maybe wicked can claim that as her victory.]
You just want to keep hurting yourself, even though you've been hurt plenty. Because if you do, then you can tell yourself that's the only thing you deserve -- and the only thing you can expect from other people.
Is that why you killed Buzen? Because you were afraid of what his kindness meant? Because he genuinely liked you, and you wanted him to stop proving you wrong?
I hated every second of him trying to comfort me. I wanted to pull his tongue out from the very first day, especially when he started saying shit like he’d always remember me.
[ She leans back from where she’s sitting, hands hanging motionless in her lap. ]
I told him not to get close. I told both of you not to get close, and neither of you listened.
[ Wish she could be normal for more than five seconds.
She stands up, approaching him like she's going to do something -- she raises a hand, balling up her fist, and just lightly smacks him over the head. ]
[Itsuki remains still and sitting, head bowed a little as her fist smacks it. It feels a little like when Marie patted his head, after she'd shared a part of herself with him.]
...I really thought I could say it back.
['i hate you'. he can't say that, but he'll offer this]
I hate what you've done, and I don't think I'll forgive you. [...] But I don't hate you. ...Sorry.
[...why is it that Marie had to be surrounded by people like this? even if Itsuki had grown up unloved and abandoned, he at least had Kazuha, no matter how brief a time. Why was she abandoned? Why was she hated? Why wasn't she given a chance?]
...I'm just myself -- the only person whose mind I know is mine.
[he has only that answer to offer her, even as he sits here with his wet eyes, tears welling at the corners, grief sinking its claws into his heart. grief for marie, grief for buzen, grief for himself.
maybe Wicked wanted to hurt him, maybe he was just collateral damage for what she wanted to achieve. either way, he thinks she's achieved something. buzen's gone and tomorrow -- so will Marie. the two people Itsuki cares most about, gone in a swoop.]
Why can’t he think of himself for once — why can’t he be selfish and make the decision to hate her? It should be simple, she’s seen it time and time again; friendships falling apart at the seems, relationships coming apart over a few simple words.
Why does Itsuki refuse to let go?
… Whatever, she’s tired…
Sinking to her knees, kneeling in front of him, she doesn’t move to hold his hand or lean forward to wipe the tears already pricking the corners of his eyes. ]
You’re a stubborn piece of shit. What’s with you? Why do you wanna give all of yourself to people like this? Doesn’t it hurt like hell? Doesn’t it feel like you wasted your time?
[ In the end, it’ll all just come apart. Break down. ]
… You may not believe me, but I never wanted to kill Buzen. I saw him, I got pissed off, I was seeing red — but it was like a bunch of other feelings were just overflowing out of me. Like I was gonna combust.
Dunno if it’s anything like Kazuma feelin’ like he was mercy killing Ryu, but…
It didn’t feel right.
[ Like she knows when she’s angry cause (hulk voice) she’s always angry ]
He wants to say he wouldn't -- because he's not that sort of person. ...But he'd promised Marie, hadn't he? And with that promise, and the way she's grown close to his heart... He can't truly abandon her, even though he tried -- for that brief moment, during the trial.
A part of Itsuki's surprised that she's telling him this, another part of him is glad -- even if it doesn't bring Buzen back, he knows something about the reason beyond his death.
The prism moving through them -- choosing two and then setting the events into action. Maybe things could have turned out differently, but Itsuki doubts it. If Kazuma and Ryunosuke had to have fought, then why not Marie and Buzen?]
...I believe you.
[he can believe in the prism's power. manipulating, tugging. he's seen it all before.]
We both know how the prism affects our emotions. When Damien and Riff-chan tried to hurt each other...
[so why not for Marie? he's so tired, he... ah. he thinks he feels it. the hatred wicked mentioned, for this entire place]
She’s being honest, but he’s also so fucking stupid. ]
Yeah…
[ Hm. Damien.
She laughs. ] Ha, what the hell… this place sucks. [ Why did someone kind like Itsuki be brought here? Or passionate like Buzen? Why did she have to come across people like this, who earnestly just wanted to help her —
Why did she just destroy everything again? ]
When you came in here I thought “shit, he’s gonna beat my ass”, and I honestly wouldn’t have stopped you.
[ Wicked sighs, before leaning forward and just.
Landing face first into his lap. Yeah.
Instinctively she curls up; knees pressed against her forehead as an arm encircles around her head.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...I think you do.
[he's just silently crying, but his gaze is focused on Marie. strange, when he thought he'd never be able to look at her again.]
Because you think you don't deserve it. So it'll hurt even worse when you get it.
[this would sound like a CURSE if Itsuki didn't know exactly what she means,]
You've suffered enough. ...You and her, both.
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HELLO. ]
… Hey. [ She spits out crudely, her eyes narrowing. ]
If you’re gonna keep lying to my face, I’ll beat you to a pulp.
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[HE's been honest in this relationship? he's the good boyfriend?
he won't hide the way his shoulders tense a little at the sound of her voice though,]
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Fuck off! I know it’s bullshit!
You wanna kill me, you despise me, you hate even having to look at my face right now — I bet you’re just five seconds away from throwing up from hearing my voice.
You’re all fucking happy that the girl with a fucked up life and a fucked up head is going to hell, right!? One less problem — but ohhhh nooooo if only she didn’t take someone we actually liked…
Be honest.
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[he's stopped smiling at least, so maybe wicked can claim that as her victory.]
You just want to keep hurting yourself, even though you've been hurt plenty. Because if you do, then you can tell yourself that's the only thing you deserve -- and the only thing you can expect from other people.
Is that why you killed Buzen? Because you were afraid of what his kindness meant? Because he genuinely liked you, and you wanted him to stop proving you wrong?
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Will it make you feel better? Can you rest your head easy knowing that I can’t stand all this fake kindness you guys keep throwing around?
Is it gonna make watching me die feel like nothing of value was lost?
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[...]
Who knows? Maybe if you tell me the truth, then I might finally hate you.
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Yeah.
I hated every second of him trying to comfort me. I wanted to pull his tongue out from the very first day, especially when he started saying shit like he’d always remember me.
[ She leans back from where she’s sitting, hands hanging motionless in her lap. ]
I told him not to get close. I told both of you not to get close, and neither of you listened.
[ She sighs. ]
But you wanna know what I really want?
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This is her moment, essentially, and he's already said he wanted to hear it.]
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... I do wanna be saved.
I just want a place to call home, where I can love people and be loved back.
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...Yeah.
[it's the same answer he gave Marie during trial, when he'd turned his back and walked away. it was just a sound from his lips then, but now?
he means it, because who in the world doesn't want that -- no matter what they've done?]
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I hate you.
[ Wish she could be normal for more than five seconds.
She stands up, approaching him like she's going to do something -- she raises a hand, balling up her fist, and just lightly smacks him over the head. ]
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I. Hate. You.
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...I really thought I could say it back.
['i hate you'. he can't say that, but he'll offer this]
I hate what you've done, and I don't think I'll forgive you. [...] But I don't hate you. ...Sorry.
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Stop tryin' to make it sound like it's impossible! [ Her voice is loud, shrill, but she can't hit him any harder than she has been. ]
My dad, my mom, my grandpa -- the second I was born, they hated me, so why the hell is it so hard for you!?
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...I'm just myself -- the only person whose mind I know is mine.
[he has only that answer to offer her, even as he sits here with his wet eyes, tears welling at the corners, grief sinking its claws into his heart. grief for marie, grief for buzen, grief for himself.
maybe Wicked wanted to hurt him, maybe he was just collateral damage for what she wanted to achieve. either way, he thinks she's achieved something. buzen's gone and tomorrow -- so will Marie. the two people Itsuki cares most about, gone in a swoop.]
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Why can’t he think of himself for once — why can’t he be selfish and make the decision to hate her? It should be simple, she’s seen it time and time again; friendships falling apart at the seems, relationships coming apart over a few simple words.
Why does Itsuki refuse to let go?
… Whatever, she’s tired…
Sinking to her knees, kneeling in front of him, she doesn’t move to hold his hand or lean forward to wipe the tears already pricking the corners of his eyes. ]
You’re a stubborn piece of shit. What’s with you? Why do you wanna give all of yourself to people like this? Doesn’t it hurt like hell? Doesn’t it feel like you wasted your time?
[ In the end, it’ll all just come apart. Break down. ]
… You may not believe me, but I never wanted to kill Buzen. I saw him, I got pissed off, I was seeing red — but it was like a bunch of other feelings were just overflowing out of me. Like I was gonna combust.
Dunno if it’s anything like Kazuma feelin’ like he was mercy killing Ryu, but…
It didn’t feel right.
[ Like she knows when she’s angry cause (hulk voice) she’s always angry ]
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He wants to say he wouldn't -- because he's not that sort of person. ...But he'd promised Marie, hadn't he? And with that promise, and the way she's grown close to his heart... He can't truly abandon her, even though he tried -- for that brief moment, during the trial.
A part of Itsuki's surprised that she's telling him this, another part of him is glad -- even if it doesn't bring Buzen back, he knows something about the reason beyond his death.
The prism moving through them -- choosing two and then setting the events into action. Maybe things could have turned out differently, but Itsuki doubts it. If Kazuma and Ryunosuke had to have fought, then why not Marie and Buzen?]
...I believe you.
[he can believe in the prism's power. manipulating, tugging. he's seen it all before.]
We both know how the prism affects our emotions. When Damien and Riff-chan tried to hurt each other...
[so why not for Marie? he's so tired, he... ah. he thinks he feels it. the hatred wicked mentioned, for this entire place]
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She’s being honest, but he’s also so fucking stupid. ]
Yeah…
[ Hm. Damien.
She laughs. ] Ha, what the hell… this place sucks. [ Why did someone kind like Itsuki be brought here? Or passionate like Buzen? Why did she have to come across people like this, who earnestly just wanted to help her —
Why did she just destroy everything again? ]
When you came in here I thought “shit, he’s gonna beat my ass”, and I honestly wouldn’t have stopped you.
[ Wicked sighs, before leaning forward and just.
Landing face first into his lap. Yeah.
Instinctively she curls up; knees pressed against her forehead as an arm encircles around her head.
Twenty-one years is a long time.
She never thought she’d make it past seventeen. ]
I’m just so fucking tired. I give up.
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Itsuki looks down at her, almost as if he's trying to decide how to react. He doesn't move in the end, glancing up instead.]
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
[the words would be lighter if he didn't sound so bruised,]
...Whatever happens tomorrow, I'll be there.
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You're stupid.
[ And yeah.
Things are sure gonna happen tomorrow! But whatever, she's just gonna fall asleep. ]
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literally just canon things ]