[Itsuki feels the petals coming up in his throat, but instead of letting them free in an attempt to hide his feelings,]
...You were honest with me back then. You told me what you wanted.
[a place for her to call home, with people who love her and who she loves back]
I want that for you too.
[those are his feelings on it, the truth of them.]
I'm just that selfish of a person. But you always knew that -- you were the first person to know. [making decisions on his own, retreating from people while trying to get close to them, on and on] Sorry, Wicked. Marie. I can't make this a clean break. I don't want to, not when I still care about the both of you.
I can forgive you, cause from the very beginning I've been wanting to hurt myself. Wanting to destroy that pathetic half of me, because I kept telling myself that I've given up on living -- that I'm fine with my friends killing me. Just like her.
Neither of us wanna die.
[ She takes in a breath. ]
You're a selfish bastard. You pushed and pushed and pushed -- and now I'm here thinking that I can possibly fucking live through all the shit going on back home. That there's a chance that... even if I'm not the one who wakes up, she will.
I hate you for it. I love you for it.
[ platonic btw i feel like i need to specify this in meta before you come into my dms screaming crying and throwing up. She shakes her head, shrugging. ]
I don't fucking get it, either, but if you're gonna say all this shit you better expect me to stick around. [ There's no petal swallowing, she's being honest: ] So please don't leave me again, if you really mean all of this.
[he's just so sad, but he's also happy. yet another contradiction. a smile breaks across his face, just upon hearing that Wicked and Marie both want to live, no matter what.]
...I won't.
[he puts his hand on the table between them, palm up. not reaching for hers, but just waiting, instead. if she wants to touch him, she can.]
No matter how hard it is. I won't leave you or Marie-chan again.
[he thinks about buzen's words 'i want to save her'. he wants to too, but maybe he lost that right already. instead, he wants to support her. to be here for her, no matter what the either of them decide.
he doesn't want to keep her in a dream of his own making. he wants to see her live in a world that accepts her,]
Itsuki holds onto her hand, his grip tightening reflexively. It's been weeks but he'd never forget those words, or the sound of her voice when she said that,]
She let's go of his hand, flinching away like she's been burned.
And then stands up to walk over to his side of the booth and sit next to him. She's not even going to hesitate to curl up against him -- sorry Buzen -- and just finishing crying in his shoulder.
[it's okay he can take off his clothes later i mean]
Hm. You know about where I come from -- and you know about my sister...
[...he looks at his hands,]
I left Kazuha too, you know? She was really sick. We didn't have any good doctors around like Chang-kun or Jiu-chan -- much less doctors who'd help kids like us. So at some point, I knew that I'd lose her.
I was so scared. I wanted her to live. I was willing to do anything -- sleep with anyone. But she was so sick... and she was so sad. She fell in love with someone -- one of her clients, but he never came back to see her. All she did was cry about him, and that made me angry. I wanted her to get better -- not get sad over some guy.
So one day, I ran away from her. I came back, but... I still left her when she asked me not to. ...I wonder if that's what killed her in the end? That guy may never have come back, but I threw her away too -- just like he did.
[ i grab itsuki and become such a hard stan that i donate to his fansites
But she's quiet when he tells his story; his life, his sadness, and the fact that he said too. When she notices the way he looks at his hands, she gingerly places a hand on top of his.
She's here. Just like he is for her. ]
... I'm really not the best at comforting people. Sorry. [ Marie does a better job at doing that. ] But you were a kid too, right? All those emotions basically go haywire, and you were left to figure something as important as saving someone's life all on your own...
...You're here, listening to me. That's more than enough.
[that age-old guilt is still there, but... he doesn't feel guilty that Wicked has to hear this. maybe it's because it's actually his choice this time, and not a memory forced out of him.]
I was a kid, yeah, but... she spent her entire life protecting me. ...She had a power. The power of illusions. She'd use that to give dreams to people -- that's how we made money too. When she got sick, she gave that power to me. She looked after me, even at the end.
I used that to survive. To give nice dreams to people... A lot of people wanted to live in their dreams forever. [his voice is quieter here] When Marie-chan mentioned the virtual world... It reminded me of that.
Handing it off to you… it probably meant that she wanted you to give her a nice dream, right? [ She pauses, flinching. ] Sorry. I dunno. [ That probably makes it sound worse that he left AAAAAAAAH. ]
Living in your dreams isn’t always the best though. I… I can’t face reality, but I know Marie can. But that’s somethin’ else entirely.
[ FUCK Redo me and all my homies hate Bluffman. ]
I’m sure your sister is still lookin’ out for you. Somewhere. And she’s healthy, just waiting for the day you guys reunite — and then she can show you where her soul has gone to rest easy.
[kazuha right now, ignoring itsuki: wicked is so cute]
...I'm like that too, I think. I lived in my dreams for so long. When I got here... I couldn't use my power, so I couldn't hide either. It took a while to adjust.
[the way he just wanted to peep into everyone's dreams and figure out how to deal with them without actually getting close to anyone, wow.]
I think Kazuha would be proud too. That I learned not to rely on dreams so much. She'd always been good at that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...You were honest with me back then. You told me what you wanted.
[a place for her to call home, with people who love her and who she loves back]
I want that for you too.
[those are his feelings on it, the truth of them.]
I'm just that selfish of a person. But you always knew that -- you were the first person to know. [making decisions on his own, retreating from people while trying to get close to them, on and on] Sorry, Wicked. Marie. I can't make this a clean break. I don't want to, not when I still care about the both of you.
no subject
I can forgive you, cause from the very beginning I've been wanting to hurt myself. Wanting to destroy that pathetic half of me, because I kept telling myself that I've given up on living -- that I'm fine with my friends killing me. Just like her.
Neither of us wanna die.
[ She takes in a breath. ]
You're a selfish bastard. You pushed and pushed and pushed -- and now I'm here thinking that I can possibly fucking live through all the shit going on back home. That there's a chance that... even if I'm not the one who wakes up, she will.
I hate you for it. I love you for it.
[ platonic btw i feel like i need to specify this in meta before you come into my dms screaming crying and throwing up. She shakes her head, shrugging. ]
I don't fucking get it, either, but if you're gonna say all this shit you better expect me to stick around. [ There's no petal swallowing, she's being honest: ] So please don't leave me again, if you really mean all of this.
no subject
...I won't.
[he puts his hand on the table between them, palm up. not reaching for hers, but just waiting, instead. if she wants to touch him, she can.]
No matter how hard it is. I won't leave you or Marie-chan again.
[he thinks about buzen's words 'i want to save her'. he wants to too, but maybe he lost that right already. instead, he wants to support her. to be here for her, no matter what the either of them decide.
he doesn't want to keep her in a dream of his own making. he wants to see her live in a world that accepts her,]
no subject
... I --
[ She breathes, her voice cracking. ]
I'm scared... I'm scaaaaaared...
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Itsuki holds onto her hand, his grip tightening reflexively. It's been weeks but he'd never forget those words, or the sound of her voice when she said that,]
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She let's go of his hand, flinching away like she's been burned.
And then stands up to walk over to his side of the booth and sit next to him. She's not even going to hesitate to curl up against him -- sorry Buzen -- and just finishing crying in his shoulder.
Weh. ]
no subject
we all know itsuki is a slut for skinship, but he's careful with her, leaning towards her as she curls up against him, crying.]
...I'm here for you. For the both of you.
[quietly, he holds out his hand to summon a pristine white hankie for her]
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But she'll still take the hankie. Sniffle. ]
... So when are you gonna tell me more about you? You basically know my whole life and got me to say the l-word.
cw: prostitution, sickness
Hm. You know about where I come from -- and you know about my sister...
[...he looks at his hands,]
I left Kazuha too, you know? She was really sick. We didn't have any good doctors around like Chang-kun or Jiu-chan -- much less doctors who'd help kids like us. So at some point, I knew that I'd lose her.
I was so scared. I wanted her to live. I was willing to do anything -- sleep with anyone. But she was so sick... and she was so sad. She fell in love with someone -- one of her clients, but he never came back to see her. All she did was cry about him, and that made me angry. I wanted her to get better -- not get sad over some guy.
So one day, I ran away from her. I came back, but... I still left her when she asked me not to. ...I wonder if that's what killed her in the end? That guy may never have come back, but I threw her away too -- just like he did.
no subject
But she's quiet when he tells his story; his life, his sadness, and the fact that he said too. When she notices the way he looks at his hands, she gingerly places a hand on top of his.
She's here. Just like he is for her. ]
... I'm really not the best at comforting people. Sorry. [ Marie does a better job at doing that. ] But you were a kid too, right? All those emotions basically go haywire, and you were left to figure something as important as saving someone's life all on your own...
I wouldn't compare you to that guy, though.
no subject
He folds his hand over hers, squeezing lightly.]
...You're here, listening to me. That's more than enough.
[that age-old guilt is still there, but... he doesn't feel guilty that Wicked has to hear this. maybe it's because it's actually his choice this time, and not a memory forced out of him.]
I was a kid, yeah, but... she spent her entire life protecting me. ...She had a power. The power of illusions. She'd use that to give dreams to people -- that's how we made money too. When she got sick, she gave that power to me. She looked after me, even at the end.
I used that to survive. To give nice dreams to people... A lot of people wanted to live in their dreams forever. [his voice is quieter here] When Marie-chan mentioned the virtual world... It reminded me of that.
no subject
Handing it off to you… it probably meant that she wanted you to give her a nice dream, right? [ She pauses, flinching. ] Sorry. I dunno. [ That probably makes it sound worse that he left AAAAAAAAH. ]
Living in your dreams isn’t always the best though. I… I can’t face reality, but I know Marie can. But that’s somethin’ else entirely.
[ FUCK Redo me and all my homies hate Bluffman. ]
I’m sure your sister is still lookin’ out for you. Somewhere. And she’s healthy, just waiting for the day you guys reunite — and then she can show you where her soul has gone to rest easy.
So don’t be so hard on yourself.
no subject
...I'm like that too, I think. I lived in my dreams for so long. When I got here... I couldn't use my power, so I couldn't hide either. It took a while to adjust.
[the way he just wanted to peep into everyone's dreams and figure out how to deal with them without actually getting close to anyone, wow.]
I think Kazuha would be proud too. That I learned not to rely on dreams so much. She'd always been good at that.